Self Love tattoo
Image by artnoose via Flickr

The topic of self-love is often misunderstood. Some see it as vain and selfish, and if experienced through that lens it isn’t really self-love at all. It is an ego clone that misses the heart of the concept.

Authentic self-love is about learning to love yourself unconditionally, the way a “healthy” parent loves a child. It’s about forgiveness, self-nurturing, patience and understanding. It’s about being self-supportive and reaching for your dreams. It’s about bringing your unique gifts and style into the world. And, it’s about service.

How do you do it? To borrow from an overused analogy, you put the oxygen mask on yourself first: You unlearn bad programming, typically layered in in your youth, and you learn to become the “thing” or person you want others to be.

This “learning” became evident for me when my youngest child was three years old and I reckoned with the fact that I could not teach him, or his siblings, to be something I myself wasn’t. I also learned that I could not teach them values or a way of life, I myself had not lived, and therefore did not understand on an experiential level.

With that wisdom I started my journey of self-love. My first assignment was to look in the mirror and say I love you. But I was so angry at life that I couldn’t.So, I had to start my “self-love travels” with a sideways glance in the mirror glance and an affirmation that I was “willing” to love myself. Little did I know that with that I was on my way.

Along the way I learned that:

  • I had to loosen the grip I had on old beliefs so new concepts could offer themselves up: in the form of insights, “ah ha’s,” and/or epiphanies.
  • I had to stay mentally and emotionally flexible.
  • A person desperately seeking to fill their own buckets lives through a bankrupt account and takes from others who have more in their buckets.
  •  The fuller my buckets were the more I had to give—and give, I did, in copious amounts. (Actually, the giving showed up naturally and unsolicited. I guess when your personal coffers are over-flowing you just want to share what you have with others).
  •  As I continued on my path of self-love, my confidence grew, and I experienced more peace.
  • I learned that love is a self-refilling commodity, and that the more I spent it the more I had to give.
  • I learned that to love myself is to trust myself, and the unfolding of my life.

Finally, and most importantly:

  • I found that the more I loved myself, the more I came to know myself, and the beauty of mankind in their heart of hearts.

Here’s a 2-part tip to get YOU started on YOUR journey of self-love:

  • STOP the negative self-talk!
  • Learn to talk to yourself with kindness and respect.

Most of us have been conditioned to be unnecessarily harsh on ourselves. This behavior will never bring about any good, and over time it will erode your confidence and suck you deeper into anger, resentment and despair.

Remember to:

  • Encourage yourself as you would a young child.
  • Keep your internal chats upbeat and supportive.

Through the filters of self-love you can truly find yourself, be yourself, and fill the buckets of those in your circle of influence.

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Welcome to The Enchanted Woman Blog

Image by alicepopkorn via Flickr

Welcome to The Enchanted Woman™ a blog designed to support people who Live, or desire to Live, with Volition.  I will be blogging about subjects in the areas of Leadership, Business Development, and Communication.  It is my goal to inspire and motivate readers to Live, Lead and Work with Heart and Purpose. Everything will be delivered through the lens of Authentic Empowerment™.

You might be curious about the name so let me shed some light on that subject.  I did not choose it. Cliché as it might sound; it chose me.  Oh, I put up a fight, arguing that people weren’t gonna take it or me seriously, but in the end, I had to surrender to the greater wisdom of my higher-self, and settle in to the vision and spirit of “The Enchanted Woman™.”

As I opened to the name I realized that its non-traditional characteristics provided some appeal.   I also opened to accept the fact that I’m not a totally traditional kind-a-girl . . . Well, I’m not completely untraditional.  I mean, I love to do research.  I love raw data.   I love facts, stats, logic and unfolding the mystery of life in an empirical way.  But, I also realized that “traditional” usually means a heavy left brain/logical slant that holds little or no room for Imagination, Creativity and Fun.  I’m not saying that left brain intelligence and logic aren’t important.  They are.  It is that side of the brain that allows us to figure out patterns, formulas, and chart a course for our own success.  But, I am saying that intelligence and logic are lifeless, and boring, without Imagination and Creativity.

I tried names like: A Woman’s Way, Self-Defined, Strategic Woman, Empowered and On Purpose . . . But none of those opened the doors wide-enough to convey the message that every one of us has the capacity to create and live a life On Purpose; Be Playful with It, and Enjoy the Journey.

So what exactly is an Enchanted Woman?  She is a Person of Character, Courage, and Vision.   She has a “9-lives Resilience” and an Unwavering Determination to “Go the Distance.”    She is Resourceful, Authentic, and dares to “Paint [life] with all the Colors of the Rainbow.”  She IS Empowered, yet she Believes in and Values the Goodness of people.   And finally, she has Heart, and Wants to Make a Difference.

The Enchanted Journey is not necessarily easy.   To live such a life, requires work and commitment.   We have all undergone the socialization process, whereby we have been  conditioned by the influence and good opinions of others.   But, as Alice discovered: the journey belongs to each of us, individually, and we must make our way back through the weight of our programming, and social influences, retaining the lessons learned and re-connecting with our own hearts desires, while maintaining goodness and love, if we are to live The Enchanted Life™.

What say ye? Are you up for the journey?



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